ONE: PATCHWORK WORLD OF UNIQUE INDIVIDUALS

Dear Kim...

I've loved reading thus far what the folk you've met on your travels have revealed about their inner-selves, with a mere few lines written on your postcard... Even before you'd officially invited me to participate, I'd thought to myself, I really must proffer my own square to Kim's patchwork... 

A CHALLENGE I OVERCAME:

Watching 'Larkrise to Candleford', series 1-4 back to back. Completely exhausting!

I want to be Dorcas Lane; independent Post Mistress, an impeccably dressed whizz on the telegram machine, who has daily weaknesses - on Mondays her "one weakness" is cream teas, on Tuesdays her "one weakness" is going to bed early with a copy of The Origin of Species, and on Wednesdays her 'weakness' might be champagne (hicc-up), or sticky toffee pudding... 

A Woman with Weaknesses...

A CHALLENGE I WILL OVERCOME:

To undertake watching the whole Poirot DVD collection - all fifty-seven episodes.  I'm completely exhausted just thinking about it!

A DREAM FOR MY FUTURE:

To be able to strike this pose on the dance-floor of B.G.W.Ms Club... 

When chatting with Siobhan at your Bon Voyage party, she confided to me her fantasy of strutting on to a dance floor and doing a back flip. So you must imagine me undertaking the above;  immobile; like a stork caught in the head disco lights, with Siobhan in the background doing a back flip, or two...

MORE DREAMS FOR MY FUTURE:

To be resident DJ - Wednesday afternoons - at B.G.W,Ms Club. I'm toying with the stage name, 'The Hip-Hop Housewife".

MY HOPE FOR THE GLOBAL VILLAGE:

Ummm... Com-plete-ly stumped I'm afraid! I'm think I'm going to have to re-dip into the Jung book you left with me, and get back to you on that one...

Tee hee, I'm only kidding with the above, how utterly infantile!  (Making Miranda-esque eye-contact with an imaginary audience and mouthing; "I'm soooo not kidding...") 

No, seriously right; Gabriel & I - and I'll rope in other folk! - will print out our postcards (I'll print out a batch in-fact!) and will both post them here, and send them c/o of  your Ma.  

P.S Make sure Moley fills one out!

Dear Kim... I feel that I must post something...!  My aim was to mirror (tongue-in-cheek) your adventures. And having noted your numerous encounters with waif n' stray street doggies, I thought I'd highlight the staggeringly opposite doggy obsessions 'ere in Blighty.  I'm still trying to be financially good of late & stay in - last week I sunk so far as to find myself glued to Crufts 2013*

Mops!

I even succumbed to buying a cheap bottle of Prosecco one eve to swig  sip whilst viewing the latest pooch parade;  tittering mid-swig sip on learning that a crossbreed of a Cocker-Spaniel & a Poodle is called a Cocker-poo. (tee hee!) And sniggering at all the toy breeds - in-fact by my third glass of fizz, I was laughing out loud, & pointing accusingly at the telly-box, "You call that a dog! I call that a broom-less mop, mate..." 
I'm sure, Kim, you'll be surprised to learn that I'm capable at times of a snigger, or indeed a sneer at any creature great or small, seeing as I'm such an avid lover of animals. But it's really only ever the small ones that I raise my eyebrows at disapprovingly - small dogs that is, of the miniature variety...  A gentleman in the sixteenth century noted that toy breeds are:

Sought to satisfie the delicatenesse of daintie dames and wanton women's wiles, instruments of folly for them to play & dally withall, to tryfle away the treasure of time...

Hmmm... Nowt has changed much from way-back-when 'til noweth it seems...

I can't help but feel that there's something Frankenstein-ish about toy breeds.  Man, when tinkering with DNA and the Creation game has come up with the Ze-donk - sorry - the Zorse - Nope, nope - the Zonkey, the Liger, and the Chinese Crested canine... Eeek!

Surely the Ugliest Dog Award (Rude!) should go to the Pekingese... Which does remind me rather of a certain 80's B. Movie character...

Kim & Lynsey at B.G.W.M's Club

And as for the French Bulldog...

A sprinkling of water would surely transform it into one of these...?

La-la-la-la, la-la!

The only toy breeds that I have a soft spot for are, the graceful Italian Greyhound...

Very Picasso-esque!

And I'm slightly ashamed to admit to  admiring such a ball of  fluff, but I'm quite taken by the foxy Pomeranian...

Awwh, tis a teeny fox with an afro!

 Gabs and I pass a lady most mornings on our way to school, who has a Pom tucked under each arm; they never fail to make me smile - and that's smile, not titter...  Oh, dash it, they're just so cute, I'm going to have to add another piccy...

Me want one!

This final Pomeranian pup...

looks a-lot like one of my all-time favourite children's telly-box characters...

Pootle from The Flumps!

Poor Lad - what has she done to you! But, oh, Handler, fabulous stride...!

Part of the viewing fun wasn't purely about the pooches; the dog-handlers were very much a big draw of the show. (Well they were for me!) I loved the variety of lolluping, strutting, sashaying and down-right galumphing around the arena by the Humans... And as I finished the dredges from the bottle**, I found myself in a trance of sorts, day-dreaming of parading at Crufts myself someday, alongside my future beloved Husky; Gandalf the Grey...

The most handsome chap that ever was! I just haven't met you yet...

  Would my signature stride around the arena be a sort-of lord-a-leaping? A Miranda-esque gallop? Or would I settle on a power-walk...?  "Kim would most definitely streak around the arena" I slurred to myself... "Kim would absolutely be streaking..." I then gaff'awd loudly during the Gun-dog Parade, when an English Setter commenced on doing a No.2 centre stage...

Oh stuff it, p'raps I'll get a toy-breed after all, here I am at Crufts 2014 with my winning Pekingese...

Get those filthy paws off my silky drawers!

  * I say 'sunk' as if Crufts is beneath me, but you know very well, I adore anything bordering on obsessive with a dash of twee-ness.

** I claim to have finished the bottle - purely for comic effect, Kim!  If you cover the bottle with two layers of cling-film, any fizz remaining keeps for the next day...! Hiccup.